I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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