She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
