I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
