I accidentally had phone sex last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize