using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
