Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize