I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Two words: blizzard sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
