false alarm. still invincible.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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