I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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