I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
