I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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