Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
