So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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