I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
