Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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