I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
