A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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