When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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