what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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