Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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