Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
