She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
