Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
