the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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