somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The adults are the big ones right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
