If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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