Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
