Your dad touched me again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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