If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
