Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
