D3 body, D1 cock
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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