i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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