At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
