Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
