I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
