So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
