Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
