I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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