jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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