i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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