you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
