Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bring me that man meat
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
