I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
