you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
