Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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