I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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