Your mouth is God's brothel.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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