we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
