Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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