definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
