My brain says no but my pants say off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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