You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tonight lets celebrate not being married
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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