walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
