hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize