I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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