I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
