While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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