how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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