People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And then he peed in my hair
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