I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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