Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
