the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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