i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
