I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
