you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
