I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger